Adventures with Captain Crabass

Sunday the 4th was our 6th Anniversary. At times it feels like it's been 6 months and other times it feels like 600 years. Monday the 5th fell in the latter category. I don't know if someone replaced Wayne's Frosted Flakes with Crazy Flakes or what was going on but I honestly wasn't sure if we'd make it 6 years and 1 day.

I had a Dr. appointment at 8am, which meant that we had to leave the house at 7am. I told him he didn't have to go, but he insisted. So of course we left the house promptly at 7:15. We finally got to the hospital about 10 minutes late. The resident came in right away, then the Dr. shortly after, but it took about 30 minutes for the nurse to schedule a surgery date. During this time Wayne got very irritated. He was all this is taking too long, this is ridiculous. And I was all shut up, I've spent how many countless hours in this very hospital with you. He just grumbled and said well they need to hurry. They wanted me to see Anesthesiology that day, but the soonest appt we could get was 3 hours away. I knew Capt. Crabass wouldn't go for that so I decided to go back on Thursday (when he was at work irritating other people).

They came in and asked if November 12th worked for surgery, I looked at Wayne's schedule and told Wayne that he was off, is that ok? He just stared at me, so I told the nurse that would work. The nurse barely got the door closed and Wayne turned to me and said "I'm signed up for overtime on the 11th and 12th". "Seriously, you didn't know that 8 seconds ago?" "I forgot". "Fine I'll have my Mom and Dad take me, they love me."

We were finally able to leave and got to the elevator when I realized that they didn't tell me where Anesthesiology was. When I told Wayne we had to go back, he just looked at me and shook his head, nodding toward the elevator. I said "you're not going to let me go back are you?" He didn't say a word, he just walked closer to the elevator. Unbelievable.

We managed to get through breakfast relatively unscathed save for banging my head against the wall in sheer frustration at least three times.

But towel shopping proved to be too much. (Now just as a side note, we live about 30 minutes from department stores so when we're in town, we get everything done that we need to so I had no choice but to take him with me towel shopping.) As I've mentioned before, our old house only had one bathroom. This one has 2 1/2 so I needed everything.....washcloths, hand towels, bath towels, rugs, mats the whole deal. I pretty much knew the colors I wanted to go with, but I am the most indecisive person ON. THE. PLANET. After 6 years I know the answer I'm going to get when I ask "What do you think about this....or what about this?", but for some inexplicable reason I continue to ask and continue to get so frustrated that I just may be bald soon from pulling all of my hair out one strand at a time. Oh I forgot, the answer (if you can call it that) goes something like this "uhhhhhh" or "(enter huge sigh here) errrrrr".

Now the truth is he has about a 28 minute attention span in any store not comprised of at least 90% tools. At 28 1/2 minutes he turns into a 2 yr old running through the aisles knocking down all the ketchup bottles and stomping around behind me with a cattle prod and screaming "HELP ME, I'M HERE AGAINST MY WILL". Seriously I've never seen him move so fast as when we've been in a store for longer than 28 minutes. And if I tell him I need something that's not on our way to the register, he tries to convince me that we really don't need it. I would love to know what people are thinking when they hear him say "milk, really? Why do we need milk?" And I know he does this but apparently I enjoy frustrating myself to the verge of tears because I keep asking him to go to the store with me.

So we finally get all the towels and go about our day. Later, I tested my luck again by going to the grocery store. We made it through the store within 28 minutes in order to avoid the above scenario but the 3 minute ride home was a different story. At this point in the day he has decided to just mess with me, so he rolled down my window (I NEVER ride with the windows down!) and then locked it so I can't roll it back up. It was about 50 degrees that day. So I did what any fairly sane person that just endured the most frustrating day would do.....I started screaming out the window "Heeeeeelp meeeeeeeee! I'm here against my will!!!" Wayne promptly responded by turning up the radio to drown me out.

These are the things you learn in 6 years of marriage....how to do what you've got to do to get through increasingly impossible days without killing each other because after all we do love each other.....

Stay tuned for more adventures of Captain Crabass.

**Note** The surgery is no big deal. I have a cyst on my wrist that I had surgery on in 1998. It came back and is painful so we're going to have it taken care of. Wayne is trying to get the day of my surgery off so he can be there with me.